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If only…
I was gone about 5 hours; I walked out of my area and along the side of the main road. I wished someone would pick me up. But they didn’t and I went home. My dad screamed at me and grounded and told me I was out of line for making my step mum cry. I hated him. This went on for years, always leaving when things got rough, but it got to a point that I was scared to leave because I knew if I did I wouldn’t come back. So I shut myself in my room, shut myself inside my head and tried to find another way to escape, and I found it, in my bathroom cabinet, it was a bottle of pain killers. I swallowed 15 maybe 20 tablets and nothing happened, so I drank out of our drinks cabinet, vodka. That didn’t work I couldn’t get rid of this thing, feeling inside me, so I started to cut myself, thought I could bleed it out, no one knew. I drank everyday, took pain killers, cut myself and nothing helped, I was trapped, and I still am and I still do these things. I talked to people and that didn’t help so I started to run again just for a few hours but now I want to go and never come back, all I’m waiting for is the money to go. I don’t want to leave home but I think it’s the only escape I try to ask for help and it doesn’t work, people say I’m too young to have problems, I say your just too old to remember yours. I know there’s other ways but I can’t think straight anymore, because I let it go too far, I’m not asking you to ignore problems, I’m not saying you don’t have any, and I’m not telling you I’m worse off then you. I just want you to think and open every door you can until you lock yourself out like I did. If only I had. I thought
I’d made it
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