Still Haunted

I'm not sure if this will help anyone but here is a story. I grew up in an upper class home. I had hard working parents, and everything I wanted. Life was great, I was smart, had plenty of friends, good athlete and got pretty much anything I wanted.

Then at the age of 10 my life drastically changed. I was molested by a man I trusted. I held this secret inside for 6 years and it ripped me apart. It was during this time that I turned to every drug I could get my hands on, fighting, stealing, lying, cheating. I was a mess. I ran away the first time at the age of 12. I went from Texas to California hitchhiking all the way. I was raped by 2 truckers. When I finally got there the nicest family took me in. They knew nothing about my past and until they found out I was cutting myself, they never asked, only accepted me.

Now because I felt I had such a fucked up life I ran away from there. I continued running, doing drugs, and even giving head for money. Oh, did I mention I am a guy. Life on the road was rougher than I ever thought. Too young to get a real job, I finally returned home at 14. Two years after I left. I was greeted with joy, and a trip to the mental hospital where I spent another year.

Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve all of this. I am now 30 years old, have a wife, and a baby daughter that I think the world of. To this day I still wake up screaming because of all that I have gone through. I still can't trust anyone, and I still can't love properly. I still lie, and I cheat on my beloved wife who has stood by me through everything. I still want to run. I think had I dealt with my problems in the beginning and been man enough to ask someone for help, maybe just maybe my life would have been better.

Running away removes you from the current situation, but your problems will still be there. I still have problems and I still have trouble dealing with them. I just attempted suicide a month ago, and spent 2 weeks in ICU.

Make a decision now. Don't end up like me. Ask for help. If not your parents someone else. There is always someone who cares, and someone who can help. Don't be a statistic, don't be dead, don't run away.

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