When I Hurt Everyone Around Me...

When I was 16, I thought that running away would get rid of all my problems. Well, of course it didn't, it only brought on more. I actually ran away from home 3 times. The first time just left me standing in the freezing cold rain. You never know how happy you can be to see your bed, until you come in soaking wet and tired as hell.

The second time, I had a ride waiting for me and I skipped school and went all over the place. When I finally got dropped off to where I was going to stay, my dad was right there waiting for me. I guess that I wasn't so smart after all.

Finally I had had enough of everyone's shit. Not only did I just walk off my job, but I never called or came back. I said fuck everybody. I had like $200.00, so I bought a hotel room and had a big ass hotel party. I got really fucked up and I don't really remember what happened. I just know that I woke up and had hickies all over my neck. It was terrible.

By this time, my parents had the police looking for me. They were calling everyone that I had ever mentioned. I didn't really hang out with the best crowd, so most of them had already been into trouble with the law before, and didn't want to be caught with a runaway. There was only one guy who stuck with me all the way. During day two I ate a little bit and then got dropped off at another friend's house which actually happened to be on the next street from where I lived at. No one ever knew. I chilled there for a little while, then we left and I got dropped off again. It actually all started getting repetious. Going from house to house. I knew that I couldn't go on like that. I knew that eventually someone was going to find me and it would all be over. It was a hassle trying to avoid the cops, too. Everywhere I went, I knew that someone was constantly watching for me. My parents had already made their rounds and told everyone they knew to be on the lookout for me.

During day 3 that I was on the run, I was over at my homeboy's house and at about 2:00 o'clock that afternoon, there was a knock on the door. He was in the middle of shaving and I was like are you expecting anyone? He said no. We scrambled around the house trying to hide all of my belongings, and then I hid myself. I was hiding in the bathtub. As soon as he opened the door, I heard my mom screaming and crying. She just said that she wanted to know where I was at and that I was safe. He told her where I was and she came in there. I have never seen so much hurt on my mom's face in my entire life. I know that I hurt my whole family. I tore my mom's heart in two, and it has taken me a while to get it back to the way it used to be. I now have gained her trust back, and I can say that because of my experiences, I have become a stronger person. I ran away around Christmas time, which meant a bad Christmas for my little brother and sister. When I decided to run away, I didn't think of the consequences that it held in store. I was being selfish. I wanted what I wanted, or nothing at all. I know that I will never make that mistake again.

I just want to say to anyone out there thinking that running away might be the answer: it's not and nothing good comes out of it. I wish only the best to everyone and I hope that everyone follows their heart. You will know what to do. **If you're real, keep it real, and only real things will come to you.**

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